Friday, June 27, 2014

I've officially un-retired from softball and am still awesome

Big time softball league starting tonight for The Calculators.  We should win at least 3 games based on pure team name intimidation and another 3 by dropping bombs with the banana hammock bat.  We've already fired our lineup guy but he doesn't care cuz he's not from around here.  Lineup:
Yours truly
Nicky P(a lot of value here as a 5 hole hitter)
Doug the catcher

Prediction: a lot of excuses

Monday, November 16, 2009


I missed a bunch of this game yesterday because I was coaching my rugrats to a Tournament Championship, but I did get to see the most important parts. Late 3rd Qtr entire 4th Qtr.

Ive never been more proud to be Bengals fan. This team is what we've been waiting for. For the longest of times we've all suffered. But now we are legit. They have swept 2 of the best teams in football. They have overcome adversity and it all started by being THE TEAM the entire country had to watch on HBO. People poked and made jokes about the Bengals the entire preseason. But guess what were laughing now.

Carson Palmer looks like he has a rocket attached to shoulder.
Bernard Scott stepped in for Benson like he was Chester Taylor stepping in forr AP.
Fuck Shittsburg
Shayne Graham knocked in FG after FG after his disappointing 51yrd attempt went bad.
Michael Johnson looked like "The Freak" Javon Kearse out there.
Fuck Shittsburg some more
Jonathan Fanene is becoming a load to deal with.
Kieth Rivers didn't even play yesterday.
Laverneus Coles is showing why he is just as good as TJ in this offense.
Maurice Purify stepped in on special teams and was part of few tackles I believe.
Quan Cosby's 2man 1block on Scott's TD Takeback was sweet as hell.
How sweet would it be if we are the only team in this division to make the playoffs? Highly unlikely, but it would be so damn sweet.


Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Your Free World Series Preview

That's Cole Hamels' wife and Kate Hudson, the woman that Gay-rod is covering up his homosexuality with for the media. Hopefully they get into a catfight during one of the games and start ripping some clothes off. Anywho, my prediction is Philly in 6. Split in NY, Philly wins 2 of 3 in Philly and win it in game 6 in NY. The flying Hawaiian Shane Victorino will be the MVP. Gay-rod goes 1-13 with one sac fly and Kate Hudson leaves him for Matt Stairs who hits 2 huge bombs in NY. Yankees lose and Steinbrenner immediately throws 3o mill at Matt Holliday, tries to steal Chase Utley from the Phils and trades the entire Yankee farm system for Drew Stubbs. I laugh and the rest of the Yankee world freaks out. I don't even like the Phils, I just morbidly hate the Yankees. GO PHILLIES!!!!!!!!!!!

Monday, October 26, 2009

DA BEARS SUCK!!!!!!!!!! hahaha

1)Let me talk a little about how happy this win makes me. I spent my 1st wedding anniversary weekend in a nice hotel downtown at the Marriot Riverscenter in Covington. When I got there Saturday evening, I wasn't expecting to see anything like what I saw. Bears fans, after Bears fans were taking over our city. Covington was nothing but Bears fans. Our hotel lobby was full of Bears fans. The restaurant where we ate, was full of Bears fans. Instantly, I hated Bears fans. Everywhere I went, there were Chris Farley look alikes yelling DA BEARS non stop. On my way to the game, in the elevator of our Hotel, I had one fan ask me what Cedric was going to do today against this Bears defense. I just smiled and said probably not very much. Boy I was looking for that motherfucker after the game and he's lucky I didn't find him in the lobby. I hope every one of those motherfucking Bears fans enjoy there 5hour drive back to "SHITcago". Yes I just made that up, feel free to use it.

2) The game was something special. Im not sure what team that was I was watching. But this team continues to amaze week in and week out. I saw large holes for Cedric to run through. I saw wide open recievers down feild. I saw Chad go over the middle. I saw Laverneous Coles. I saw Bernard Scott. I saw JT O'Sullivan because we were kicking ass so much. Hell I might be mistaken, but I think I saw fuckin' Peko line up as a full back. And what the hell, we had a TD catch by some Tight End named Foschi??? BOY THIS IS SWEEEEEEEEEEEET!!!!!!!

3)Im so glad Da Bears gave Cutler that 2yr extension this week. He deserves it cuz he sucks too.

4)Im reading about how were supposed to give some love to Bob Bratkowski now. Maybe we should. Maybe we shouldn't. He's done a much better job this season but I think the love has to go to the guys who are blocking for Carson. Then the guys who are catching Carsons passes. Then the guys that are getting turnovers and putting Carson in great field position. Keep winning games by 30+ an we'll might start praising you Bob.
5)How fucking beautiful are those snaps to the holder on FG's and Extra Pts? Pro Bowl like snaps. Take notes Brad St. Louis.

6)Leon Hall and Cedric Benson are no doubt first time Pro Bowlers this year.

7)Let give credit where credit is due. Mike Brown is genius. Yes I said Mike Brown:
-Resigns Chris Henry
-Doesn't trade Esteban Ochocinco live everyone wanted
-Never caved in to Andre Smith's contract demands
-Signed a troubled former 1st Round pick in Cedric Benson
-Let go of a pro bowl reciever named Doushbagzadah
-Accepted the offer to do Hard Knocks
-My next guess is he'll bring Bruce Smith out of retirment to play Defensive End in place of Odom

8)Off topic. Make sure you give the show SportsNation a shot everyonce in awhile. Dennis Neagle and I have fallen in love with Michelle Beadle who does this show with Collin Cowherd. She's possibly the greatest woman ever. Pretty hot and knows everything about sports.

9) This has potential to be one of the best years in sports in this area. Bengals are just rollin' right now. Cincinnati Bearcats football is possibly looking at another BCS game and maybe a National Championship chance. Kentucky basketball is back on top of the world. UC and Xavier both will be very good teams again. And the Reds still suck. Keep up the great work guys!

Friday, October 23, 2009

Freaky Friday

BACK TO YOUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

No worries UK Fan. The rumors are flying that Mr. Wall will be ruled ineligible. That is not true. I heard this rumor about Wall and his AAU coach being a certified agent back before he signed with the CATS. The most severe penalty for this violation is him being suspended for 10% of the Cats season. But most people around the Cats Athletic Dept. don't even see this happening, and have no word of him being ineligible yet. But if he recieved gifts, he might have to repay those, but that shouldn't be a problem either. Its that simple. Everything will be fine. CHAAAAAMPIONSHIP!!!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

The Yankees Love Men

I'd do just about anything for the Phillies to beat the piss out of the Yankees in the world series. I hate the Yankees guts. I hate Gay-Rod(pretty funny huh, I'll let you use it with your friends if you want), I hate Jeter, I hate Matsui, I kinda like Nick Swisher but hate that he wears a Yankees uniform. Does Gay-Rod have to walk around like he's got Jeter's dick up his ass? Yes, he's the best player in baseball but he's also the biggest faggot. Congratulations, your finally hitting in the postseason and somewhat earning that 8 bajillion dollars you get. I hope you choke in the world series and Kate Hudson leaves you for Chase Utley. I also hope she gets a boob job because she'd be the hottest woman in the world then. In closing, fuck you Yankees and Go PHILLIES!!!!!!!!

Saturday, October 17, 2009


The day a boy named Falcon fooled the entire country!!!!

Friday, October 16, 2009

IT's A SELL OUT!!!!!

Im getting secret info that the game Sunday has sold out.

THERE IS A GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

What's the Deal with..........

What's the deal with the saying "I could care less......"? This is the opposite of what should be said and it pisses me off. When people say this it means that they don't care at all about something. Therefore, if they could care less, then that means that they care at least a little bit. The correct statement should be "I COULDN'T care less". If you can't care any less than you don't care at all to start with. You get it. Am I crazy here? No, I'm the only one making sense in this world. I deserve a Nobel Peace Prize for this.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Win One For the Zimmer

1) How great is it to wake up on Monday and be a fan of a first place team. I hate to try and think about the future of this team. I don't want to ruin this great feeling right now. Just think about your reaction or celebration yesterday when Palmer hit Caldwell for the go ahead TD. Apparently Denver Broncos coach Josh McDaniels stole my victory dance, cuz I also was fist pumping in the living room like Tiger Woods at the US OPEN.
2)How come this team can make me feel like Im watching the Bengals of old, but they end up pulling off the wins like the team I've never seen before?
3)Cedric Benson is the leading rusher in the NFL. Not Adrian Peterson!
4)The CB's on this team have done a fabulous job. Leon Hall and JJ are looking like Pro Bowlers. The interception by JJ in the first half stopped a huge drive by the Ravens and was a game changer.
5)Still wondering why were not seeing some more Bernard Scott. Maybe a screen pass to him every once in awhile.
6)How bad is Daniel Coats? I can see why he was moved to fullback a few years ago. Catch the damn ball.
7)Speaking bad.....Can I start auditioning for the Brad St. Louis job? I was told this morning that he blows because he just found out his wife is cheating on him. Well im sure she is cheating on him cuz he can't snap a fucking ball through his legs, without it going 40ft over the holders head. If he can't do this how bad do you think he performs in the sack?
8)As bad as this sounds.......Zimmer's daughter looks pretty damn hot.
9)I had a feeling the Bengals would win yesterday. Especially after hearing the awful news of Mike Zimmer losing his wife. I knew this team would play with that extra something that it was going to take. Why didn't we hear Ray Lewis bitching in his press conference about the illegal hit on Chad? Oh, because he even knew after he did it that he was piece of shit. With that said. I still love that guy and want our new ReyRey to be just like him.
10)Now they come home. I sure as the hell hope we sell this game out against Houston. They deserve to play in front of a sold out crowd. Im thinking I might even go down and buy a ticket.

Thursday, October 8, 2009

Bobby Light Is Gonna Do You Right

Bobby Light is back and performing with Travis Barker and Blink 182!

He also had one hell of an after party!!!! You a dirty girl, you a dirty girl!

If you aint watching Fantasy Factory your a fool! This might be the best show on TV right now. Damn sure its the best show on MTV. Bobby Light made his comeback tonight and his final performance ever.
Lights Out, Lights Out! We got hundered dirty girls and you know what they about. Pool party, skinny dippin, with ass and titties out!! Lights Out, Lights Out!
You better get that track, cuz that shitz hot

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Whasssup Wit Da Wassssup!!!

1)Im not going to spend much time on last weeks game. Just not even worth it. But I do have a couple comments:
I seem to think Marvin is the worst game management Head Coach in football. If he would have punted that ball in overtime and played for a tie. There wouldn't have been any question about that. Even if they don't get the first down. The defense had a chance to take it to OT with worst offense in the NFL taking the feild.
2)There is one reason this team is 3-1. They are unreal on 4th down conversions.
3)Bernard Scott has to get more touches in this game vs Baltimore. We have to mix it up more.
4)FYI to Bob Bratkowski.....I learned this on Madden when I was 11. Even if you don't complete the deep ball, you have to at least throw it every once in awhile to open up the play book.
5)I know lots of people give Brat shit for running on first, running on second, then throwing on third almost every drive. I looked at the stats, and on most drives we actually passed first.
6)We can't rely on the defense scoring a touchdown every week. The offense has looked like shit for about 70% of this season. I think we have to score 3 TD's to beat Baltimore this week.
7)I loved when Pat Sims stuck up for his teammate. He was going to beat the shit out of everyone. Thats an attitude we haven't seen in awhile.
8)Who the hell is the special teams coach? We can't return kicks and punts very well. We don't tackle very well. We can't kick the ball into the endzone one kickoffs. Graham can't make a kick deeper than 45yrds. And now we can't make extra points. If Brad St. Louis isn't going to be fired. The special teams coach should be.
9 & 10)I really don't see how the Bengals can win in Baltimore on Sunday. But these team has done nothing but amaze me this season. So with that said I will pick the Bengals to win this game and rub it in the faces of the AFC NORTH 27-10. No botched snaps. 2 Passing TD's by Carson, 1 Rushing by Bernard Scott, and 2 FG's by Shayne Graham.

Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Chocolate Milk Tornado!!!

You ever try to stir your chocolate milk so fast that the tornado in the middle goes all the way to the bottom of the cup? No spilling, of course. I just tried it and nearly broke my wrist. It's impossible, can't be done, won't be done. Don't even try to tell me that you've done it. I won't believe you. It's like looking at that picture below and not having an instant orgasm. Can't be done. Boom Roasted.


For dancing lessons please contact Big Donkey at $50/hr.

Friday, October 2, 2009


Absolutely nothing better than this.

Monday, September 28, 2009

WHO "are" Dey?

Who "mother fuckin" Dey!!! So this is what it feels like to be a fan of a real professional football team! I don't know what it is about this team, but I've said since the day of the draft, "I love this team". I love the make up up this team. I love the grit, the fight, and the speed they have. Marvin said it right, they are a bunch of castaways that are just out to prove themselves. And just because the Bengals are Back, the Blog is Back. Well its back as long as they don't lose to the Browns this week. Here are some things I took away from this game and team.

1) Im not sure I can name the entire offensive line, but I love em. In my opinion they deserved the gameball yesterday. Carson had plenty of time in the final drive. They are opening up huge holes for Cedric Benson. Evertime I look up, he's knocking off 9yrd carries. And they have limited the penalties

2)I think Carson was late for the game yesterday and they let Jordan start in his spot. Because that wasn't the same quarterback in the 2nd half that I saw in the first half. After watching Carson in the first 2 qtrs, I was actually thinking about how JT O'Sullivan could look much worse. How many times did Carson throw the ball over the recievers head in the 1st half? In words of Keyshawn Johnson on Monday Night Countdown.....C'mon Maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan!!

3)How bout my boy ReyRey Maluaga? USC guys just get shit done. He was pronounced dead on the field and carted off. I was just waiting to hear the injury report that said he was done for the season like every other 2nd round pick we draft. Then a camera spots him running back out of the locker room like Superman. How can you not love that guy, even if you do like Notre Dame.

4)Domata Peko is turning into one of the best DT in the league. And Pat Sims isn't far behind him. Ok that might be a stretch, but they are very good.

5) As much as I love this team, I'd still like to know what has happened to these guys who are MIA.....or maybe I'm just missing them:
Bernard Scott (arrested again??), Chris Henry (sharing cell 35646 w/ Bernard Scott??) Tank Johnson (still putting together his daughters bunk beds???), Brian Leonard (thought he did get cut, until that last drive), Tom Nelson (taking another carriage ride in the city), Jerome Simpson (2yrs in the NFL, 1 career catch for 2yrds), Chase???Chase???Chase???Chase??? Coffman?.

6)Even though the fake punt didn't lead to any points. I think it let the Steelers know that we weren't fucking around and it got them a little razzled. Big Turning point of the game.

7) As much as I don't want to think about the "Immaculate Deflection" against Denver, I can't stop thinking that this team should be 3-0 heading to Cleveland. FUUUUUCK!!!!

8)Coles looked much better, but he needs to tuck the damn ball in when he makes a catch. He was scaring me to death.

9)As pumped up and energized as I was in the 2nd half, I was the exact opposite in the first half. And most of that was due to the play calling. Who didn't know that when Caldwell didn't take that opening kickoff to the house, we still weren't going to score?

10)Best news of the day. Not waking up and seeing someone on this team was arrested last night for excessive celebration with a 16yr old crack head hooker!!!! YAY!!

11) Apparently the BenGals made an appearance in MAXIM this week. So I take a look and no shit this girl used to by my buddies girlfriend. Its her first year a BenGal. For those who don't know him, he hasn't killed himself yet for letting this get away......

But is on suicide watch!

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

HBO is DaBomb

Ok so last week I got HBO. Basically the only reason was so I could watch "Hard Knocks". But now I'm in love with this channel. And I would suggest all Guys have this channel.......TODAY!!!

Here are the reason I have so far, for you to order HBO. No particular order.
A) Entourage-As seen above, these guys are classic twenty somethings yearolds, looking to make it big in the city of LA. The best part about the show is the girls. Hot chicks everywhere. I have already fallen in love with Sloan, seen in the yellow. But then you got Vince fucking every girl that he sees. Plus great celebrity appearences like Tom Brady and Jamie Lynn Seigler, you can't go wrong with this show.
B)Hung- A new show. People might think is kinda a gay because of the title. But truthfully this isn't just about this guys COCK. This is a show that would only make it on HBO. Its about a High School basketball coach, who loses his house in a fire. He has no money to rebuild, so he becomes a jigelo to make some extra money. He's known by his ex's for his super large member. Also this show has some remarkable hot babes, and as jigelo he's always banging them. So thats good TV right? His newest customer was last seen as the slutty daughter on "Dirty, Sexy, Money". He was banging her in the bathroom of a restauarant a few episodes a go.
C) The best part of HBO, besides being able to show naked chicks getting rammed is the ON DEMAND. If you have the ON DEMAND feature now with your basic digital cable, you probably don't use it very much. But with HBO on demand you can watch your shows and movies whenever you'd like. Yesterday, while working from Riverfront Headquarters I was getting bored of doing my damn TPS reports and was bored with Sportcenter for the 4th time that morning. So I checked out a series called "The Wire". Im not sure what the whole show is about. It kinda jumps to different angles all the time. From gangbangers, to journalist, to cops, to the mayor, to city council, to families of the cops, to whores, to gangbangers again and more dirty cops. I mean the concept is kinda crazy, but its very interesting and it keeps me entertained. Lots of sex, killing, drugs, and dirty cops. If you like that kinda stuff.
D) Then you got "Hard Knocks". Now Im sure i'll do a little review of that tomorrow after the premier tonight. I don't know about you, but Im excited. This should be some cool stuff for Bengals fans. It might be the best thing thats happened to this team since it made the playoffs.
E) Did I mention, HBO is uncensored. So you get naked girls, crazy sex scenes, and none of this edited language bullshit. Its kinda like our blog on TV.
E) Oh, and there are no god damn commericial with any of this shit.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Big Donkey's Solo Shots

1) Don't go mistaken me for a Florida Gator fan because of this blog today, because Im not. When it comes to college football I follow UK, UC, and USC. I don't even like Florida at all. But I love me some Tim Tebow. This guy might just be the greatest college football player of all time. He does it all. He's a runner, a passer, a scorer. If you put him at linebacker, he'd lead the team in tackles. No doubt. Rankings have Florida at #1 again this year to start the season, and I really don't see anyone beating Tebow this year as he gets his 2nd Hiesman and 3rd National Title.
2) The next Gator I want to talk about today is Erin Andrews. What the fuck happend to her? Did someone post a nude video or pictures of her or something? The bitch has fallen off the planet. Just kiddin, I know about the nude video. If you haven't seen it by now, sorry about ur luck. But seriously, ever since the story broke EA has just disappeared. Is she even still alive? I she posing for Playboy or what? Come college football time, we need her rockin' those sidelines.

3)Real quick on the Reds, cuz there not worth the time. Is it too difficult to try Brandon Phillips at SS. I mean, it might not work. But we will never know if you don't give it shot. Im not for it or against it. But I think with the way this team is playing, I'd try anyone anywhere.
4)Rod Woodson, Bruce Smith, and Derrick Thomas all make the Hall of Fame this weekend. Woodson was probably the greatest all around corner I've ever seen. He could hit, pick you off, and cover anyone. In my opinion he was a better corner than Deion. Bruce Smith was the Reggie White of my generation. He was a quarterbacks nightmare. And Derrick Thomas was the same way. This guy might have ended his career as the best LB of his time. He died tragically in a auto-accident. I remember him once having 7 sacks in one game. The best Chief of all time.
5)What the hell is going on with Andre Smith? He was the 6th pick. The 5th pick has signed for 47million and the 7th pick has signed for 38million. How hard is it to meet in the middle. And if you going to say, well one was a Quarterback and one was a WR??? Well, OL Jason Smith has also signed with the 2nd pick for $54million. Quit fuckin' around and get this guy in camp.

My Weekend

Here's what I did this weekend. That's a class 6 fucking rapid right there that I'm dominating. Look at the intensity. You think I give a fuck what that river was gonna throw at me, NO. I whooped the shit out of that weak ass little river. You might say "everyone else is laughing, it looks easy." I say, fuck you, those are laughs out of fear for their lives. I'd be laughing too if someone else was doing all the work(me). They asked me to be a tour guide after I dominated but I told them I already had a full-time gig as a badass and a part-time blogger.

P.S. Check out those pipes I'm showing off, I rarely work out.


Monday, August 3, 2009

Big Donkey's Solo Shots

1) So apparently someone invented a "dissolving bikini" for dumped ex-boyfriends. This is genious I hope to see it become an international phenomenon.
2)Brought to our attention by Dennis Neagle on his last post, THE REDS BLOW. But they did manage to trade for a big named bat at the trade deadline. And possibly it makes them better next season. I like the deal. People are bitching about losing the young pitchers, but a good thing about the Reds Minor Leagues is that pitching seems to be something we have a lot of. Not to mention we finally have our first stable thrid basemen since Tony Fernandez or Chris Sabo. And oh, did I forget to mention we get rid of the worst god damn player this team has had in the past 10years in Easy E. Edwin, hope you find your glove, arm, bat, and a set of balls in Toronto.
3)Bengals training camp started this past weekend. I know I do this every year, but I think they finally might have something down in Georgetown this year. There are a couple of positions that Im nervous about. Center is one, but from what I have heard so far, Kyle Cook seems to be doing pretty good and looks a lot like Kyle Turley. I love the improved defense. Adding ReyRey Maluga and a healty Keith Rivers makes this team better. And Tank Johnson is going to be the best offseason move the Hoo-Dey has made in a long time.
4)Back to the Reds for a minute. Right now you can vote for the the next Reds Hall Of Famer on the teams website. I went voted this morning. Here is the problem. Some of these guys were good ball players. Some were great. But I don't any were Hall of Fame Reds. None of these guys have names like Pete Rose, Dave Concepcion, Tony Perez, Barry Larkin, Jose Rijo. If you haven't seen the ballot here it is:
Bret Boone
Jeff Brantley
Norm Charlton
John Franco
Danny Graves
Kevin Mitchell
Hal Morris
Paul O'Neil
Chris Sabo
Scott Sullivan
Some of these guys had great Reds careers. Some are and were huge fan favorites. But are they Reds Hall of Famers??? Your supposed to vote for 3. So I went with Spuds, Johnny Franco, and Paul O'Neil. Sabo or Franco will probably get the nod, but is Danny Grave the most deserving?? I mean I hate the Gravey Train, but he is the clubs ALL TIME SAVES leader. Not sure but he also might be the ALL TIME BLOWN SAVES leader also.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

The Reds BLOW!!!!

Like I said a couple weeks ago, the Reds are not going to win this year. I personnally think they are 2 years away from being good. But right now, they are not very good. I love them to death but they make me want to puke watching them play, especially the dodgers. Their pitching has gone down the shitter, their hitting is clearly horrible and their fielding is brutal as well. They have about 5 Triple A players on this team and 3 of them start on a consistent basis. Let the fire sale begin. I'd bet about 16 bucks right now that Arroyo is gone. His last 3 starts have been pretty damn good including a complete game shutout of the Mets. I just hope they get some sort of shortstop in the deal because I can't watch Jerry Hairston Jr. much longer. At the very least this should open up some cap room to do some wheelin and dealin in the offseason. I wouldn't doubt if Arthur Rhodes is gone as well. Someone has to want him because he is nails in middle relief and they should get someone decent in return as well. There could be some others but I doubt it. No one wants Harang, who would want Weathers and Cordero makes too much damn money.

I'm gonna keep watching the Reds but damn do they frustrate the shit out of me. Here's to hoping that someone drills a hole in George Grande's hotel room and videotapes him ironing his short sleeve button down shirt in the nude.


Friday, July 17, 2009

Greatest Head Cover Ever

How sweet is this head cover. That's Ryo Ishikawa and he's 17 yrs old. He played with Tiger the first 2 days of the British Open which is the only reason he was on tv. I don't know where he got this head cover made but I need one made of me. The more things look like me, the better. I'm 100% jealous.


Road Head

So Wednesday I decided to actually go into work, instead of working from home as usual. I was on my way home at 4:30 in the afternoon. Traffic was pretty heavy and I soon realized I don't miss the 40min drive home at all. But then I saw something fantastic. A young black man, I would say in his early 20's was driving a white camry, old style. Kinda like the one I used to have. That maybe the first reason he caught my attention. Then I noticed a little dog or something on his lap. "Is that a puppy on this thugs lap?" I was thinking. No wait, its girl giving head. Now lets recap this.
Its 4:30 on Wednesday afternoon. We are driving southbound on I-75 at Ezard Charles. He is weaving in and out of traffic, and there is a girl giving him a Bow Job right here next to me. He slowed down and triedto lose me, but I wasn't about to let this end. I had to get a better look. So as we approached the bridge, he got up next to me. I could see this bitch bobbing on his knob so hard it was making me jealous. Im not going to lie, anytime you see someone else getting some road head, you yourself are going to want some too.
Road head has to be one of the greatest inventions in the world. Easily!!! I was thinking to myself later that day how proud I was of this young man. He had his Reds flatbill on, a white tee, windows down, music playing and it was like he didn't even know this bitch was deepthroating his cock. No big deal. He must get that everyday on his way to GABP preparing to play with the bucket boys. All I could do was, give him a thumbs up. Although he didn't see me, Im pretty sure he blew that load all over that bitches face.

Thursday, July 16, 2009

Reds 25yr Aniversary Team (THE WORST)

Lance McCallister did this but I wanted to do my own. Here is Lances Team first.
C-Joe Oliver
1B-Sean Casey
2B-Brandon Phillips
SS-Barry Larkin
3B-Chris Sabo
OF-Eric Davis
OF-Dave Parker
OF-Adam Dunn
SP-Tom Browning
CP-John Franco
Manager-Lou Pinella

Now Lance seemed to pick a mix of his favorite guys and the best players. I agree with most although I'd have Jose Rijo as my starter and I'd have Rob Dibble or The Cowboy as my CP. How could he leave Kevin Mitchell out of the outfield, oh and Joey Votto is a better player now that Sean Casey ever was. Big Donkey's picks will be the worst players at each position in the past 25yrs.
C-Corky Miller
1B-Tim Costo
2B-D'Angelo Jiminez
SS-Royce Clayton
3B-Brandon Larson
OF-Chad Matola
OF-Corey Patterson
OF-Wily Mo Pena
SP-Eric Milton
CP-Danny Graves
Manager-Jerry Narron

Big Donkey's Solo Shots

1)BENGALS: So Vegas has set the teams over/under at 6 games. Am I crazy to think this team should easily win 7 or 8? Easily?

Also the Bengals have not come to a long term agreement with Shane Graham (picture above). Im kinda in between on this one. I think Shane is a good guy in the community and a pretty damn good kicker. He's not the kinda of kicker I like. Big footed. But he's got accuracry. I think the 1yr deal is a good idea. Because it give Shane 1 more year to kick for that big contract. If he proves he deserves the long term contract this year, I say give it to him. Just don't let him back at King Island.

What are the 3 positions that concern you the most with the Bengals? I would still say WR is #1 for me, then Center #2 and #3 would be the offensive line. All three have too much young unproven talent.

2)REDS: Whatever the experts are saying, this team isn't dead yet. But they need a great start to the 2nd half. Not an average start. They got 4 games vs. the Brewers and I think the Reds have 4 pitchers (Bailey, Arroyo, Harang, Cueto) that are better than the Brewers. If they can win 3 out 4 this team is on the right track. I would make a couple of changes though. I would bring Drew Stubbs up for Willy Taveres right away. Then I would let Chris Heisley come up also and play replacing Robert Manuel. Let these guy play while they are hot. They both should start 2 games this series together. Rotate Dickerson, Gomes, Nix in with them. See if either of these guys can give this team a spark offensively. Something has to be done, and obviously its not going to be getting Jermaine Dye or Scott Rolen.

3)British OpenToday starts the THE OPEN CHAMPIONSHIP. Here are the guys you should be rooting for so me and Dennis Neagle can win some big money:
Henrik Stenson
Luke Donald
Ross Fisher
Graeme McDowell
Paul Casey
Jim Furyk
Rory McIlroy
Hunter Mahan
Ian Poulter
Darren Clarke
and Tiger if you want to.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

My Thoughts on the Future of our Redlegs

There has been much debate on whether the Reds should "buy or sell" near the trade deadline this year. Personnally, I think they should stayput with the squad that they have now. By no means should they trade any of their prospects away. I think they should dangle a few of their veteran pitchers(Arroyo, Harang, Weathers, Rhodes) and see what they can get for them. If the price isn't right, then stick with them.

The Reds are loaded with talent in the minor leagues for the first time since, well, since ever I think. They are loaded with pitchers as well which is why I wouldn't care if they got rid of some the costly veterans this year. I think Homer Bailey has finally arrived and should stick around for a while. We still have Maloney, Darryl Thompson, Justin Lehr and Travis Wood all at the Double A level or above. There are plenty more as well that you are more than welcome to look up here.

Position wise they are also pretty loaded. The OF is stacked with young fellas. Jay Bruce is already up here, Drew Stubbs and Chris Heisey should be up in September. Todd Frazier is playing well in Double A right now and will probably be in Triple A next year. We also have guys already playing for the Reds that are doing a decent job(Gomes, Nix, Dickerson). Basically, I'm not worried about the OF.

The infield is what I'm semi-worried about, except first base of course. What I'm particularly worried about is shortstop. If we could get a quality young SS in a trade for one of the pitchers I already mentioned above, then I'd love it. They have Chris Valaika at Triple A but he is hitting .231 right now. I think he could be the future SS but he better pick it up hitting wise. Juan Francisco could be the future 3B but he is still young and not ready. He also seems to throw the ball away as much as EE and I'm not ready to see more of that crap.

Let's be honest, this team isn't gonna win anything this year. I realize that we have been saying "wait til next year" for about 15 years now but this time I actually might believe it. The talent in our farm system has to be one of the tops in the league and the future is actually bright. I think trading away prospects now for a Scott Rolen would do more harm than good. But, what the hell do I know. They will probably trade 8 guys for Roy Halladay later this afternoon. Nah, I'm just kidding, I'm a genius and this is what Jocketty should do. In fact, he should probably hire me to do the day to day operations to ensure the Reds dominate in the future.


Friday, July 10, 2009

Don't Call It A Come Back!

As LL said back in the day " cuz we never were gone".

Ok maybe we were. Maybe we just took a break. Maybe we were actually working. Knowing us though we probably weren't. But like Dennis said, we are here now and we'll be brining it like its never been brought before.

-Lets talk about this Jordan Crawford dunk. If I hear Hannah Storm pronounce it ExAvier one more freakin time Im going to slap that bitch. First of all, its not the fact that Lebron got dunked on, its the fact that a bigger deal was made about it just because he had the tapes confiscated. As for Jordan Crawford. I think this kid is going to be a very good player for X in the next few years. He's got a great scoring mentality. He can shoot better than his brother Joe. And apparently the kid can get up, cuz his 6'4" frame dunked the fuck all over LeBron James.

-Rasheed Wallace to Celtics. Rasheed is one of the most underrated players is the league and gets a bad rap because of his antics and attitude. But I love this guy. A 6'10" big guy that can flat out shoot the ball. The east is getting much more competitive and now the NBA is getting better to watch.

-REDS: This team has issues. Jay Bruce has a great arm. He has a weak ass bat. This guy doesn't need a couple days off, he needs 2 or 3 weeks in Loserville. Bronson Arroyo should have been traded when he was groovin. Dare I say Edinson Volquez's career years are beyond him. Johnny Cueto had been great until he decided to throw batting practice to the Phillies on Monday.

-My golf game was never that good, but right now its as bad its been since I was 11. I can't hit a drive without slicing it out of bounds. I used to rely on my irons. Now my irons have lost 30yrds and are slicing like driver. Im shooting in the 90's consistantly and Im close to quitting. Anyone have any tips or names of pro's that can give a good lesson for a decent fee?

-Erin Andrews apparently got hit by a baseball at a game the other night. Im sure thats not the first ball thats hit her in the face. HiiiiiiiiiiYOoooooooooo.

Thursday, July 9, 2009


I forgot. BORN READY mother fucker's. The Big East and the rest of the country is mortally fucked. UC IS BACK BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S. How great of a nickname is Born Ready?


Guess Who's Back

Guess who's back, back again, Neagle's back, tell a friend. I'm back mother fuckers. Where have I been, what have I been doing? Not a whole lot. I've been working at home for a month and a half and haven't put on pants in the same amount of time. Not much has happened in my absence except for the near death of this blog. I went to Vegas and got shitcanned while looking for the Montecito. The reds have not changed one bit and still frustrate the balls out of me. I got a haircut. I worked out for the first time in 2 months the other day. I think I'm gonna get a blackberry which will be neat. Somehow Anderson Varejao got a 6 year/$50 million contract from the Cavs. Lebron got dunked on and is too much of a pussy to let the world see it. Other than that not much has happened.

I don't know if this post will bring back the blog to the promise land or not but I know people are getting sick of staring at the same post for the last 3 weeks. I deeply apologize for not blogging lately but keeping up a blog is tougher than expected and not getting paid to do it is even harder. So basically, shut the hell up and blow me. Start your own blog.


Thursday, July 2, 2009

Big Donkey's Solo Shots (4th of July Edition)

1) Ok, so we know its been awhile and the millions and millions of fans out there are wondering what has happened. Well, were not going to lie here at Riverfront. We've been lazy. The blog lost its momentum, but have no fear Big Donkey is here. I'm going to do my best to bring this back.
2)REDS: The Red Legs sent down Jared Burton and he's pissed. I think he has the right to be. He hasn't pitched great but he's been doing his job here for 2 years. They brought up Drew Sutton? Who is Drew Sutton? Apparently we got him in the Jeff Keppinger trade...all I know is he's not Mark DeRosa. Johnny Cueto better be a freakin ALL STAR. This team needs an everyday 3B and CF. Do we have those guys on this team? If not, Walt please make a trade.
3)So UC signed a big time recruit for first time since DeMar Johnson. Lance Stephenson sounds like trouble to me. UK didn't want him, Kansas didn't want him, but Cincinnati does. He'll fit in well in this town. Just like Art Long, Dontonio Wingfeild, Cory "rollingme" Blount, Ruben Patterson, and the rest of the thugs UC has had in the past. With that said. This is a great fit for Mick and UC. They needed a scorer and got one. This team has Sweet 16 potential now and with a depleted Big East they should finish in the top half of the conference.
4)Has anyone been watching Wimbledon. I know its Tennis, but it been pretty entertaining. I usually watch a match or two but tomorrows Andy Roddick vs Andy Murray semifinal is going to be electric. If you don't know the Andy Murray story you should check it out on ESPN. I'm rooting for the American Andy but I like both these guys.
5)NBA Free Agency has started. The Pistons wasted $90+ million yesterday on a ballhog shooting guard and a underrated center.

Monday, June 22, 2009

Best Craiglist Posting Ever

Saw this posted on Nick Brunkers Blog this morning. Just read this SHIT!

To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in downtown Savannah the night before last.Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 AM ESTI was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for my girlfriend's purse and earrings. I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket. Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening, and it wasn't that cold outside. You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening. Beautiful pistol, eh? It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it? I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cell phone, and wallet with me. I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies to come help you try to mug us again. I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card. The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van GoGo's, along with all of the cash in your wallet. I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cell phone. They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service. I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it. The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat (I guess while he traced the number). I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life. Next time you might not be so lucky.. AlexP.S. Remember this motto..... an armed society is a polite society!

Friday, June 19, 2009

*For those who are wondering, Dennis Neagle is in Vegas this weekend that partially the reason why bloggin has been slow. I recieved a text at 3:45am on Thursday that said "I can't find the Montecito" For those that don't follow, you should get hooked on the hit series Las Vegas now airing reruns on TNT. Or just buy all the seasons on DVD because every episode is can't miss entertainment. Hot chicks everywhere! From Delinda Deline to Sam Marquez this show has the hottest cast ever established. Danny "THE MAN" McCoy just straight laying wood and fighting Casino crime. So while Denny is out in Vegas chillin with the empolyees of hte Montecito, I'm chilling at home watching sports and movies this weeekend. God Im a loser!
*US OPEN: Pretty impressive day by on Friday by Mike Weir. Did that leaderboared really just say David Duval? Is this a rerun from few years back while it must be still raining in NY. I love the US OPEN. Nothing says Golf like watching these guys struggle like I would. How bad is Chris Berman? Bad enough on NFL but Golf is even worse.
REDS: Reds can't hit a lick. We've established that, but now they need to do something about it before it cost us the entire season. Get Drew Stubbs up here, let him give CF a shot. We sure as hell know Willy Taveres isn't the full-time answer. Votto is working out in Sarasota right now. Hopefully getting his shit together. Dennis Neagle said he saw him in the airport on Wednesday and no lie Joey was dressed very queer Neagle relayed to me. We got to get a regurlar everyday 3B in here. And what is going to happen if Ryan Hannigan gets hurt?
*UK: Now that Meeks is gone...who plays SG for the CATS. The guards on this team John Wall, Eric Beldsoe, DeAndre Liggins, Darnell Dodson (hopefully the answer), Jon Hood and maybe Darius Miller.
*I freakin love Megan Fox. Watch this video, this broad can straight bring it.
*Nick Brunker is idiot that is on 1530Homer sometimes. I really can't stand him, but I give him props. This kid straight brings it on his blog everday with the hottest damn chicks I've ever seen. Here is his gallery!
*As for the 1 Night Stand Contest. Look for it to get started again next week for the final round. I think we have decided to award Lisa Guererro the winner last week in the tiebreak, just because there are more hot pics of her on the Web than Erin Andrews. Don't get me wrong though, this site loves us some Erin Andrews. If you got dirty pics of her, send em to us.

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

What's the deal with Joey Votto?

Has Joey Votto’s inner ear infection become an inner rear infection?

Rumor has it that there is a new “Queen” in the Queen City. There is much speculation about why Reds slugger Joey Votto is still out of the lineup. Some say that he has a social anxiety disorder; some say his ear infection is still not cured, and some say that he is GAY. What ever the problem may be…it must be fixed soon. The Reds were victorious last night against the Braves after 2 rain delays. But can they get back on the good foot after being swept by the Royals???

The Reds definitely need to get Joey back in the lineup even if he is a “Switch Hitter.”
How come there is no “NEW” news about the Votto epidemic? I haven’t heard any thing official about this situation in weeks. I for one know that there are tons of Reds fans out there wondering what the hell the problem is. Could someone please shed some light on this situation?

If Joey is gay it may help with his slugging…. after all he is good with wood in his hand.
Word on the street is that he was seen “rounding second base” with Jay Bruce.
If Joey is gay, do you think that he will change his position to “Pitcher” or “Catcher?”

Monday, June 15, 2009


We are stuck debating what to do with tie we have had in the 3rd "1 Night Stand" Poll? Any ideas on what we can do to decide the tiebreaker?

*Did you guys watch Game 7 of the Stanley Cup Finals. Just like the NBA and MLB....NHL Hockey has one major thing that bugs me. Too long of a regular season. I could never follow the entire season but I can watch some of the playoffs, and definetly watch Game 7 of the Stanley Cup. The final 6minutes were as exciting as any major sports final. Good to see the young guns Malkin and Crosby get a title and turn the page of the Wings domination. Those two are the future Jordan and Pippen of the NHL.

*REDS: So Joey Votto is apparenlty missing time because he's gay. Thats the rumor and if thats the case, we need to cut him. I'd rather lose than have a queer playing first base. The Reds apparently did know something we didn't when they drafted Yonder Alonso last year. If he's not gay and is just a whimp I agree with what STAN said on Mo Egger's Blog today..."When is our first baseman going to remove his tampon and help this team?" Nice way to put it STAN! Another thing is Walt Jockety needs to do something, ANYTHING! I don't care if its just getting Sammy Sosa or Barry Bonds or Pete Rose signed to a contract. This team can't hit a lick. They need, not just one more bat but probably 3. Now they got 3 vs the Braves and 3 vs the White Sox this week. If they don't go at least 3-3 this week they are done.

*Whats story are you sick of more on ESPN? Plaxico Burress-Brett Farva-Michael Vick

*Are you watching the College World Series? If not you might be the most underrated sporting event of the year. Im going to root for ASU to win it all because of the Reds drafting Michael Leake. They upset UNC yesterday. Now they play #1 Texas on Tuesday at 7pm. Leake will be on the hill.

*So a few weaks ago we reported on Bryce Harper, the 16yr old baseball phenom from Las Vegas who was on the cover of Sports Illustrated and taking over the world. Now the kid is skipping HS and going to get his GED this summer so he can start playing college ball at the College of Southern Nevada. Thats kinda cool, but I just hope he doesn't turn out to be the next Drew Henson.

*US OPEN WEEK: Who you got the field or Tiger? The Open is back at Bethpage Black. Probably the toughest Public Course in America. After my nine on Sunday I'd guess I'd shoot a 172 at Bethpage.

*So now there are rumors of Shaq being traded to the Cavs to play with Lebron. Someone explain how this is going to help Lebron win a title next year? It should make for some great interviews and TV though.

*Jodie Meeks and Derrick Brown are both staying in the NBA draft. I think both are making a mistake. Jodie is missing out on an opportunity to be on a National Championship contender and get a lot more TV face time next year w/ UK. Derrick got much better, but I believe with 1 more year in at XU he would be guarenteeing himself a first round pick.

*WAGER OF THE DAY:(4-10) Arkansas is very underrated in College Baseball. Take them to defeat LSU straight up.

Congratulations to the WestStars!

Congrats to the Cincinnati WestStars coached by our very own blogger Dennis Neagle!

The WestStars won the Great Smokey Mountain Showdown baseball tournament this weekend in Gatlinburg, Tenn.

Worst Umpire Ever

Many of you might not know that I coach a local 13 year old baseball team. Over the weekend we were in Gatlinburg dominating a tournament. We won the whole damn thing thanks to my brilliant coaching and pitching strategy. That's not the point of this though. During our 2nd game on Saturday we had a 97 year old man behind the plate umpiring. He gave me a pin that had an umpire running on it and it said "I get no respect". That's not the point of this either though. The point is that he sucked as an umpire and made the most ridiculous call you will ever hear of. Here it is. My 9 hole hitter comes to the plate, steps in, calls time and steps out but doesn't get the time called. The pitch is thrown while he is out of the box and the umpire calls 2, yes 2, strikes. 2 strikes, 1 pitch. I go insane much like Sweet Lou would. He says there was one strike for the pitch and another for a delay of game for stepping out. He could not be more wrong, he could try, but he would be unsuccessful. All that should happen is that there is a strike for the pitch because he was not granted time. Fine, strike one. He insists that its in the rulebook and I insisted that he was an old turd. The call stands and the kid strikes out. Luckily, my great coaching overcame this horrible call and we still won the game and the whole damn tournament. I'll be in the bigs in no time, trust me.


Thursday, June 11, 2009

Reds vs Nationals Rain Delay

Ok so if you didn't watch last nights game you missed it. The Reds had a 2-0 lead with a runner on first in the bottom of the 9th and then the rain came. Everyone in the ball park, at home watching on TV pretty much thought this game was over. When the game came back on more than 2hours later the Nats did the improbably and tied the game 2-2.

It was obvious that the crowd had dwindled some. From the normal 2,000 the Nats have in attendance to about 25 people left in the stadium. But of the 25 there were some stunning cunts right behind first base that the camera man made sure we got a good look at every chance he could. The girl in the white had some huge knockers and just couldn't keep that top up. She was pulling on it ever time they showed her. Below is the text conversation between Big Donkey and Dennis Neagle thoughout the midnight hour.

BIG DONKEY: (11:55pm) What the fuck happened? Extra innings Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!!
DENNIS NEAGLE: (11:56pm) Fuckin Cordero chick in white tube top behind first base dugout though
BIG DONKEY: (11:57pm) There is five people still there
DENNIS NEAGLE: (11:59pm) She's one of them and shes got some bombs
DENNIS NEAGLE: (12:06am) Did you see the chick?
BIG DONKEY: (12:07) Yeah! The other one is hot as hell too. If we leave now we can make it by the start of the 15th inning.
DENNIS NEAGLE: (12:09)Im in u gotta pick me up though
BIG DONKEY: (12:14) If this was a home game I'd definetly go down
DENNIS NEAGLE: (12:15) Just to see her titties bouncin? Me too
BIG DONKEY: (12:17am) The girl in the pink is smokin hot too. There is like four hot bitches.
DENNIS NEAGLE: (12:18am) Lets go to a Nats game sometime
runner on first 1 out BIG DONKEY: (12:20) How bout a fucking hit and run Dusty!
1st n 3rd, no outs Red run themselves into a double play and get no runs
BIG DONKEY: (12:41) I'll tell you what, I was a better baserunner when I was 7 than these guys.
DENNIS NEAGLE: (12:42) Wasn't watching what happened
BIG DONKEY: (12:44) Bruce didn't run home on grounder and rundown at 2nd base, must have been looking at the girl in the whites titties.
BIG DONKEY: (12.51) They are so fucking lucky, I'm out!

Melissa Theuriau Profile

Who is Melissa Theuriau? Im not really sure who the hell she is. She pretty much the underdog of the entire tournament. She's a French news reporter and was dubbed Maxims Hottest News Anchor. She looks hot, but we dont' have much to work with. There are some nudies on the web but we can't post those here. I think the problem here is this bitch is French. What needs to be done is get her ass to America and get her on a show like Summer Sanders had or put her on E! or something. Maybe she could replace that dumb brunette co-host on Dancing With The Stars.
Best Azzet? Its hard to tell because we don't have a lot of pics to work with. From what I can tell I'm going with her face. I mean this woman is gorgeous. Straight up gorgeous. But you know what? In this poll that won't get you jack shit.