Friday, June 5, 2009

Where Have You Gone Tom Emanski???

It wasn't very long ago that you couldn't watch a single baseball game on TV without seeing a commercial for "Tom Emanski Teaches Defensive Drills" being endorsed by everyones favorite ball player the Crime Dog Fred McGriff.
Upon doing further research I've come to a few ideas about what happened to our beloved hero:

1. Those kids that you see throwing the baseball into the garbage can finally decided to cut Emanski up and throw him into one. I've still got a good arm and maybe not from CF, but definitely from 2B I could throw a ball into the can, but what for???? Sure it might build arm strength, and kinda cool to say "I threw a baseball into a trash can from 300 feet away for a baseball video" but are are of these kids in the bigs???? Hell no they aren't cause that serves no purpose in the game. After not one of the kids were drafted they all revolted, cut him into pieces, and stood at the pitchers mound tossing body parts into a trash can.

2. Getting tired of being referred to as "Baseball Superstar Fred McGriff" by Mr. Emanksi; Fred decided to show him what the Crime Dog is all about. Rumor has it that Mr. McGriff is also wanted in the slaying of blog favorite, Keith Sweat, they found his head, but....

3. According to Wikipeida, our favorite baseball instructor, as of 2003 at least, is being sought by the IRS for unpaid taxes. I can see Emanski living in a wooded shack, Unibomber style, using his quick double play turning hands and feet to move from tree to tree escaping whatever federal agents are after him. If Will Ferrell can take on Bear Grils I'd like to see Tom Emanski try.

4. Due to the unpaid taxes Emanski cut a deal with Homeland Security; he's teaming with Chuck Norris to find Osama Bin Ladin's hid out and afterwards they're going to film the worlds greatest Mt. Dew commercial ever- my money's on this one.

Maloney Gets His Shot

Finally, Matt Maloney gets the call up and starts on Saturday for the Redlegs. I'm almost positive that he's gonna dominate and probably have a stat line something like this: 7 IP, 2 ER, 4 K's, 1 walk and gets his first career win. He might even get a bloop single down the left field line for an RBI. Then, he will probably go back down to Louisville and Homer Bailey will come up for no reason and walk 9 straight guys. Just seems like something the Reds might do. Anywho, I hope Maloney dominates because I'd love to see a lefty in the rotation. Move Owings to the bullpen for long relief and say goodbye to Michael Lincoln. He threw well the other day but I don't think he can do it consistently. Plus, he looks too much like Nick Lachey to be successful. Good luck Matthew Maloney.


Stacy Keibler Profile

Who is Stacy Keibler? She started out as Baltimore Ravens cheerleader then moved on to professional wrestling. She started as a WCW Nitro Girl. Man all those bitches were hot!! After moving to WWE she became super famous on the hit show Dancing With the Stars. The show allowed her show off her athleticism, hotness, and unreal legs. Bruno, one of the judges nicknamed her "The Weapon of Mass Seduction". Now thats one hot nickname.
Best Azzset? No doubt its the legs. She's well known for her forty-two inch stems. But lets give the girl some credit. She has a nice rack and one of the best asses I've ever seen. Vote for Stacy if you would like in the poll above.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

Big Donkey's Solo Shots

REDS:Nice win last night by the Reds. I sure hope Johnny Cueto keeps this up and becomes an All-Star because he deserves it. How bout Laynce Nix? This guy is the cleanup hitter we've been looking for. He's got power to all fields. He's smart, athletic, and becoming our best OF option. Some great defensive plays last night too. Love to see Brandon Phillips going opposite way to get an RBI. He's really maturing and I becoming the best 2nd baseman in baseball. I kinda agree with Lance McAlister today. Should we be looking at Drew Stubbs coming up and Jay Bruce going down??
Can Arron Harang get his shit together tonight? If he can hold the Cards under 3 runs the Reds have to win this game.
*Tom Glavine? I love this idea. Why not give this guy a few starts and see what he can do. A lefty is something we need. We might be looking for 2 starters instead of just one for next week. (Owings and Volquez) I'm sure you can get him at a fair price. If anything he brings a winning veteran to the ballclub.
*Ok, do me a favor and watch just at least the 3rd quarter of the Stanley Cup tonight. If you have VS. that is.
*NBA Finals start tonight. I think the Magic have an interesting team. The best big man in the league paired with a bunch of 3pt shooters. How far can that take you though?
*The Chicago WhiteSox have called up AAA shortstop Gordon Beckham. Gordon dominated the college world series last year with the Georgia Bulldogs. I really really wanted the Reds to draft this guy but they passed on him and took Yonder Alonso. Is Ozzie Guillen rushing this guy though?
*Have you heard of 16yr old sensation Bryce Harper? If not you probably will soon. The next sports prodigy of our generation MIGHT be really good.
WAGER OF THE DAY (4-7): Ok now were warming up. I think we'll go back to the NBA tonight and try to prove something. But I'm not taking a team. The over/under is 205pts. I'll take the over.

Jenn Sterger Profile

Who is Jenn Sterger you ask? Jenn became an internet phenomenon while doing nothing but cheering on her beloved FSU Seminoles against Miami during a telecast. After Brent Musburger saw the girls and how it seemed they were smuggling midgets under there shirts he commented "1,500 red blooded Americans just decided to apply for Florida State." Since then she has posed for both Maxim and Playboy. She was considered one of E! Entertainments top 20 Hottest Women of the Web. Now she works as a sports show co-host for the NY Jets. Look for Jenn Sterger in her first movie "THE TENANT" airing in 2009. What are the chances that the landlord will be played by Lexington Steele.
Best AZZet? No doubt her fake boobs have made her the star she is today. Jenn is proud to tell everyone that she recieved her fake tits as a present from her parents. As you can see, it was the best present we've ever recieved.

What is with the Fohawk???

Can anyone please tell my what the fuck is up with the Fohawk????

For those of you who may not know what I am talking about:
The faux hawk (fohawk or faux-hawk) continues to dominate cutting-edge urban hairstyling with a vengeance.It's crazy, it's messy, it requires dangerous amounts of styling product. The glamour of the 1950s pompadour fused with punk, bad-ass, big 1980s hair.A hairstyle in which a strip of hair across the top of the head is longer and higher than the hair on the remainder of the head. A faux hawk is in the styling, not the cut, so there is nothing you need to know about cutting for this.

Why do people think this "Hairstyle" is cool or looks good? It could quite possibly be the gayest hairstyle that I have ever seen...but for some reason it is becoming more and more popular. Maybe because more and more flamers are coming out of the closet thanks to all this "Gay Pride" bullshit.

In my personal opinion, if you don't have big enough balls to sport the REAL "Mohawk" then you shouldn't even try by imitating a "Mohawk" with a "Fohawk".

Now these are some tight MOHAWKS:

If any "Hairstyle" should be popular it should be the infamous "Bowl Cut"

Wednesday, June 3, 2009

Will Ferrell is a MAN :UPDATE

UPDATE: This show can be seen tonight at 9pm and again at midnight. Set you DVR's people.
Has anyone else seen this episode of "MEN vs. Wild" featuring Bear Grylls and Will Ferrell? I caught the last 15 minutes of it the other day and laughed my dick off. Why was Ferrell on the show? Better yet, why hasn't he been hosting the show since day one. He's way better on his own that Bear is. Will started a fire and I'm pretty sure he drank his own urine. Bear would have died out there in the wilderness if it wasn't for Will's quick thinking and impeccable survival skills. I never heard one thank you come out of Bear's mouth either. What a stubborn piece of shit.


Big Donkey's Solo Shots

*This is about what our headquarters look like here at Riverfront Sports today. Well at least thats what I'm hearing. Big Donkey recieved a phone call at appox. 5:15am that informed me that our offices had been flooded last night. Doesn't sound like we'll be back in the office again this week so operations could be slower than normal.
*REDS: What the hell was Willy Taveres doing last night? If he's hurt he had no business playing in that game last night. He didn't look himself and it may have cost the Reds. Johnny Cueto goes tonight and he's pitched pretty damn well this season. I think he'll pitch another gem tonight but the question seems to be if we can put the runs behind him.
*Prediction: Kobe will go for 50+ in one game the NBA Finals. But he'll only have 5 chances to do it.
*Everyone talks about how the Josh Hamilton for Edinson Volquez trade was fair for both teams. Well it continues to be true as both are put on the 15 Day DL yesterday.
*UC Bearcats signed guard Jaquon Parker from Virginia. This seems like a pretty good get for the Bearcats. I still think they could use a few sharp shooters on this squad. For that to happen Mick is going to have to recruit more white kids.
*How do the Horse Racing expersts expect fringe fans to be attracted to this sport when there are are so many confusing issues. The best horses don't always race. The best jockey's jump from horse to horse. There is no single championship. There are no superstars. With that said....I love this sport and I think the 3 triple crown races are awesome. I understand why the greatest female horse of my generation isn't running this weekend. It makes sense not to risk injury if she's not a long runner. But I think with some organization and some planning Professional Horse Racing could be a sport that many would follow, if the sport made any sense at all.
*WAGER OF THE DAY (3-7): And the streak is over. I think I had lost 6 straight wagers but last night the ice cooled me off. Tonight we must do something that Peter Edward Rose would be proud of. Bet on Baseball. I'll take the over on 7.5 runs in the Reds and Cardinals game.

Kristin Cavallari Profile

Who is Kristin Cavallari you ask? Kristin got her start on the MTV hit show Laguna Beach where she shared her boyfriend with current Hills star Lauren Conrad. Thats not really the reason she is famous though. The reason she is famous is cuz she has a body that doesn't quit. She's smokin hot and seems to be so damn slutty she doesn't give a fuck. Word on the street is Kristin will be coming back to take Lauren's place on the Hills next season. Which means 1 thing. More smoking hot bikini ass shots of this young lady.
Best AZZet? Truthfully this girl has it all. From a decent sized rack to a smokin ass. She's got it all going on. Vote in the poll for your "1 Night Stand" with Kristin if you would like.

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Greatest Game Ever

NHL '95 for Sega is the greatest video game ever created. No questions asked. Why did I just think about this?...I have no idea but I did and I'm that much sweeter for doing it. I'll whoop everyone's ass in this game as well. I haven't lost in 14 years. I'll beat you with Alexander Mogilny's lightning speed or I'll just whoop your ass with the Oilers. Either one, doesn't matter. I make Gretzky bleed.


Big Donkey's Solo Shots

*No Solo Shots yesterday. Sorry to all my fans out there. A loss of time and a 9 hole experience with Dennis Neagle and THE Andy Wellendorf took up most of my day.
*REDS: The boys pulled out a gutty performance last night. Lots of guys came up with big hits. This team sure is going to miss Joey Votto, but they are tough bunch of SOB's and aren't going to give up thats for sure. With Volquez leaving early last night I think you skip his next start, and this would mean we finally see Matt Maloney hopefully. Nick Masset has looked great this season out of the pen and some talk is flying around about him possibly being the next 5th starter. I kinda like where he is right now. We need a setup man since Burton has blown and was sent to AAA and Masset's stuff has been straight nasty. Tonight I expect big things from Bronson. He's been rolling of late and until I see a bad outing I will say he's going to get the win again.
*Yesterday rumors were flying on Kentucky websites that John Wall was going to go play in Greece next year and Xavier Henry was possibly still coming to UK. The next thing we'll hear out of Lexington is that Billy Clyde is taking the flowers of college girls and driving drunk at 3am. Oh wait.................
*For those that care, Phil Mickelson will be back for the US Open in a few weeks. What will be covered more that week.....Phil coming back or Tiger beating Rocco at last years US Open.
*Florida CB Janoris Jenkins was tazed last weekend after fighting a group of people that he accused of trying to steal his chain. Thats exactly what I was trying to tell the Lexington Police officer the night of my bachelor party when he pulled the tazer on me...
"Sir, these guys aren't my friends. I don't even know most of them. They just got me drunk, took me to a titty club, got me kicked out of 3 bars in 45mins, and then tried to steal my gold chain. Don't taze me bro, no no don't taze meeee!!!"
*MTV Movie Awards: Andy Samberg is pretty funny. Other than that this was retarted just like I expected. Megan Fox looked whorendous. Someone needs to force feed that sexy bitch a BigMac and SuperSized fry before she goes out. As for the most talked about event of the evening, Eminem getting a face full of cock. That was the most staged event I've ever seen. It really wasn't even that funny. The one thing I did like was Eminem back on stage performing. It made me really miss those day of pimp leanin' in the 94' Camry with the speakers blarrin' "Would the real slim shady please stand up, please stand up"
*WAGER OF THE DAY (2-7): Since Im hot like a fire cracker and debating on quitting the WAGER OF THE DAY part of the Solo Shots, Im going to get crazy tonight and bet on the ice to cool me off. Take the Penguins over Detroit. 20 bones down, Straight up.

Kim Kardashian Profile

As part of the "1 Night Stand" competition we will issue a profile of each of the contestants the rest of the way out. Our first profile is on Kim Kardashian.
Who is Kim Kardashian? Our answer seems to be "who gives a fuck". Seriously I looked for a decent picture of this slut for about an hour and half today and got nothing. There were a couple that struck me as sexy pics, ass shots of course. Even one with Reggie Bush rubbing his dick in her butt crack. But then it hit me lets go old school. Kim and Ray J days. Thats how she became famous. The rich bitch has a sex tape with Ray J (Moesha's/Brandy's Brother who never made it famous). Now from what I remember this sex tape wasn't too bad. But I don't have link for you, so check it for yourself. Most recently Kim has gotten even more famous due to her fams reality show, Kim sucking at Dancing With the Stars, and now she hopefully making new sex tapes with her NFL Stud RB boyfriend Reggie Bush.

Best AZZet? No brainer here. Kim's ass has made her a killing from day 1. From Ray J pounding the poop shoot to it growing to the size of two large planets. She has a nice face and very good set of tits but her ass has got her where she is today and possibly could take her to the finals of this contest. Vote in the poll for your "1 Night Stand" with Kim Kar if you would like.

Is that some Paris Poon?

I can't quite tell but I think Paris is showing her cum dumpster here . I know everyone has seen it already but does she really need to go "all naturale" at a club and skank herself out like this. Don't get me wrong, I love the sluttyness of her but someday she is gonna have to grow up. I wish everyone was mature as I am, the world would be a much better place.


Monday, June 1, 2009


Today we start round two of the "1 Night Stand" poll. We hear at Riverfront Sports have decided to have 4 rounds of the "1 Night Stand" poll. The first round was won by Julianne Hough (pictures can be seen below).

Each day we will feature a profile and picture of 1 member of the current poll, just incase you readers don't know who the lovely ladies are. After the 4 rounds we will have 1 wildcard particpant and and then a final vote.

The final vote between the 4 champions and the wildcard winner will determine who is the First Lady of Riverfront Sports 2009.
Here are this weeks contestants:
Kim Kardashian
Kristen Cavalleri
Jenn Sterger
Stacy Keibler
American Idol Bikini Girl (Katrina Darrell)

What's the Deal with Our Garbage Man?

The garbage guy where I work might be the creepiest and strangeist man in the universe. For one thing, he comes every single day and empties every person's individual garbage can. How much garbage can one person have in an 8 hour day? I for one have nothing except a pop-tart wrapper. He still empties it for me though. It's a little ridiculous. I'm pretty sure this is his only gig so I guess he needs to waste time. I mean, emptying 60 small garbage cans can't take more than an hour right? He is usually seen walking the halls freaking people out with his snug jeans and lerky eyeballs. His bulge can be seen from hundreds of yards away. Not that I'm looking or anything but it kinda hits you in the face right when he walks in your cube.
Another thing, I'm 106% sure that he stalks a few of the women that work here. We got a few good looking women here and he takes full advantage. I'm pretty sure one girl is about to file some sort of report against him. I love to hear the conversations that he starts with them. It's ridiculously awkward for the girl. It's hilarious to me, but horrible for the hot girl. He will prolong his garbage emptying for that cube and stare and talk for as long as he can get away with it. He doesn't say a word to me which I love. I can't wait for him to come around tomorrow.

Mondays.... suck

So the Reds dropped all three games to the Brewers this weekend...and no one is really that surprised? Let's hope that Mr. Votto can clear up whatever is bothering him. Speculation is it's stress it just me or why not give him a bong, weeks supply of weed, Funoins, and tell him to come back and see you in a week? It might not work, but he should at least feel better for one week.

Lebron and the Cavs are out of the Playoffs which sucks, but hats off to the Magic for one heck of a series. Hopefully they can keep it up and knock off the Lakers. I'm not a Kobe fan at all so I'd love to see Magic follow the Celtics lead last year and take the title. If Dwight Howard plays like he did in Game 6 this could be a short series... I'll take the Magic in 6.

Best line of the weekend has to be from the Texas/Boston College (who sucks) NCAA Tournament game. Not only did the game go 25 innings, but check out the line for Texas' starting pitcher he faced 46 batters. Only two got hits. He pitched 13 innings. 169 pitches. Call it a man crush, but those are unreal numbers. Somewhere Matthew McConaughey probably still has a chubby thinking of getting with this dude.

It's DMB week on Fuse TV. Dave Matthews Band is releasing their newest studio album tomorrow when "Big Whiskey and The GrooGrux King" hits stores. I highly, highly recommend it to anyone that likes any music. DMB weeks kicks off tonight with a live concert from NYC, followed by a 4 part documentary with a new 30 minute segment being shown each night.

Going to keep it short today as it's Monday and I'm being so lazy I don't even feel like typing, but take the Dodgers tonight.